PERMISSION TO AMBITION
For years, I have caught myself softening my goals when I said them out loud.
If someone asked what I wanted next, I’d answer with something safe:
“I just want to make an impact.”
“I’m really focused on helping others right now.”
All of that was true, but it wasn’t the whole truth.
Because the truth was:
I wanted to build something that mattered and made money.
I wanted to be both "regular” and deeply impactful.
I wanted to stand on big stages and in small rooms.
But, confidently saying that out loud felt risky… like my ambition needed a disclaimer.
I edited myself because I was afraid of being seen as self-centered, delusional, or too driven.
Afraid that if I claimed what I really wanted and didn’t reach it, everyone would see me fail - publicly. YIKES!
Or, worse - that I just simply wouldn’t belong because my big dreams made others feel inferior or they thought I was insane.
So I’d say just enough to sound grounded, but not enough to sound bold. I played small in conversations where I should have been standing tall.
Why We Edit Ourselves
It’s not just me. Research actually backs this up.
Psychologists call it “impression management,” and it’s the subtle way we downplay success or desire to seem more likable, cooperative, or humble. Studies show that people (especially women) often soften their confidence to avoid being perceived as arrogant or self-promotional, even when that confidence is earned.
The problem with this is twofold.
We start believing the edited version of ourselves, and
Others never really know what we’re building or how to support us.
And before long, our own internal permission to go after what we want starts to shrink, and our real ambitions end up shelved, and labeled ‘someday.’
The EQ Side of Ambition
One of the biggest things emotional intelligence teaches us is awareness - being able to notice what’s happening beneath the surface without judgment.
When you start paying attention to your inner dialogue about ambition, you begin to see the patterns:
The hesitation before naming what you really want.
The instinct to follow a bold statement with, “But it’s not about the money.”
The way you minimize wins or dreams so no one feels uncomfortable.
Those small pauses are emotional cues - signals from your EQ radar that something deeper is running the show: fear of judgment, guilt about wanting more, anxiety about being “too much,” - you name it.
But EQ is also about choice.
Once you can name what’s happening, you get to decide what to do with it.
My Own “Permission Moment”
Recently, I worked with a group of wildly (and objectively) successful women.
As we talked, a theme kept surfacing. Each one, in her own way, apologized for wanting more.
They downplayed their financial goals, softened their ambitions, and used humor or humility to take the edge off what they really wanted to say.
At first, I couldn’t really understand what was happening. Every woman in the room was already an inspiration to me. Every one of them was wildly deserving of success. And, then I realized… I was doing the same thing.
I was working hard and doing meaningful work, but still holding back energetically. Still waiting for permission I didn’t actually need.
So, I started giving it to myself.
At first, it showed up behind the scenes in simply how I thought about my work.
Then, in how I spoke about my ambitions.
Then, in the goals I actually set.
And eventually, it took shape as an entirely new brand and website (something that honestly feels like the most me thing I’ve ever created).
All because I finally gave myself permission.
The Psychology of Self-Permission
Researchers call this concept self-permission. It’s the internal green light that allows you to pursue meaningful goals.
It’s not something you earn. It’s something you strengthen through practice.
A 2016 study by psychologists Jean-Christophe Brisset and colleagues found that people with higher self-permission scores (those who consciously give themselves the right to succeed, rest, or pursue fulfillment) report higher levels of confidence, motivation, and well-being.
In other words: your self-permission matters as much as your external goals.
If you can’t internally authorize yourself to want something, you’ll unconsciously sabotage the path to getting it.
How EQ Strengthens Ambition
Emotional intelligence helps us keep our ambition both aligned and sustainable.
Without EQ, ambition can easily turn into reactivity, burnout, or comparison.
With EQ, ambition becomes much more focused and intentional. It becomes a reflection of clarity, purpose, and self-trust. And, a secret added bonus - life gets a lot easier.
Here’s how they work together:
Self-awareness helps you notice where fear or shame holds you back.
Self-regulation gives you space to choose differently, instead of reacting to life’s circumstances.
Motivation connects ambition to meaning, not just metrics.
Empathy and social awareness help you pursue success in ways that elevate others, not at their expense.
When you integrate those elements, your ambition simply becomes a way of life.
A Practice to Try
If you’ve been quieting your ambition, try this:
Say it out loud.
Name what you actually want. Not the small, safe version… I’m talking about the dream that’s so big it makes you feel ridiculous just thinking about it.
Notice what comes up.
Excitement? Fear? Guilt? A joke? Dismissiveness? Anxiety? Motivation? Pay attention - it’s all information. EQ begins with awareness.
Decide what to do with it.
You don’t have to fix it - just don’t let it decide for you. You may decide to just let it percoalte for a few days/weeks. You may decide that once you said it out loud, you don’t really want that thing, and you actually want something different. Maybe you decide that it’s finally time to claim it and take action.
Over time, the more you practice saying what you want without apology, the more natural it becomes.
The Invitation
I believe you can be grateful and want more.
I believe you can be grounded and go big.
I believe you can lead with EQ and still want to shake the world.
So if you’ve been waiting for someone to tell you it’s OK to want what you want - here it is.
What would the boldest, most self-aware, possibility-focused version of you want?
GO GET IT!